The Christmas Coercion Song

Taking a brief break from my pelvic pain writing, I’d like to rant for a while about a Christmas song I loath and I must do it now because the friggin’ song kept playing ad nauseum in my head two days ago and I promised myself that I would write about my thoughts on this song if only it would stop it’s endless loop through my brain. So here I am, trying to maintain that promise, even if it is a day later than I said I would write this.

In case you are curious, the song I absolutely loath is called, “Baby Its Cold Outside”. Apparently this song was written as a duet between Frank Loesser (is that pronounced Loser?) and his wife in 1944 and played at a housewarming party (Source: http://www.christmas-lyrics.org/baby-its-cold-outside-lyrics-song.html). I don’t understand the appeal of the song then and I certainly don’t understand it now!

Last year I used to refer to this song, in as loud a voice as possible whenever I heard it played in a public lace, as “The Christmas Rape Song.” But this year, after closer examination of the lyrics, I have come to the conclusion that there is no evidence of rape or any other form of sexual assault taking place within the song.

Therefore, this year I had to change the title to “The Christmas Coercion Song” because every friggin’ version of this song I’ve ever heard is all about a “man” trying to convince a woman to stay at his place when she repeatedly tells him that she must leave. I do not see any other way of viewing this song as anything other than coercion and as an absolutely terrible message to be putting out there…that it is ok for a “man” (or anyone for that matter) to hound, pressure, coerce, manipulate or in any other way try to force someone to comply with your desires when she or he has made it clear that they are uncomfortable with the situation.

Depending upon which version of the song you listen to, the woman says at least once to repeatedly that she needs to leave and her answer to the guy’s request for her to stay is NO. My least favorite version of this song features Rod Stewart (as if that weren't bad enough!) and Dolly Parton where she concludes the song by saying "You sure know how to wear a girl down, don't you? Okay Okay..." (http://www.metrolyrics.com/baby-its-cold-outside-duet-with-dolly-parton-lyrics-rod-stewart.html).

Why the hell, in the 21st century, when we try to teach our kids that “no means no” and rape is an unacceptable crime, is this song still being played? Even if the guy never rapes or assaults her, he is still using his powers of persuasion, as well as alcohol, compliments, flat out refusals to help her get home and guilt trips (“How can you do this thing to me?” “…my lifelong sorrow if you caught pneumonia and died…”), in order to have his way, regardless of how she feels.
Throughout the song the woman talks about how her family would react to her staying so long, possibly overnight, at this “man’s” place and all he can do is think about his dick, her looks and his pride. He, apparently, has nothing to worry about except for whether or not she complies with his demands for her to stay.

Wow! That really puts me in the Christmas spirit like nothing else does!

Every year I become enraged when this song is on and I let everyone in earshot know how I feel about it, but until now, I’ve never done more than loudly complain about the mixed messages in the song and how I don’t understand how people can listen to this.

My lover, who has heard my rant for years, tells me people don’t listen to the lyrics and analyze them like I do, that is why they aren’t pissed off about it. According to his view, at best people tend to hear the chorus, “Baby it’s cold outside” and some crap about drinks and a fire and how beautiful she looks and that is about all the thought they give the song...if it even gets that much attention from harried shoppers, pissed off drivers stuck in holiday traffic and all the other holiday situations and mayhem which might cause someone not to pay attention to the music being played.

And yet I can’t help but find it interesting that in “the Valley” where I live, the local news paper ran an editorial debate over the lyrics of the Insane Clown Posse. Now, I haven’t heard their songs in years and I never liked what I heard and I’m certainly not a fan of “Imma Kill U” (the lyrics of which I just read a moment ago). (http://www.metrolyrics.com/imma-kill-u-lyrics-insane-clown-posse.html).

Even I recognize that there is a huge difference between talking about killing someone (even if that someone is a child molester as in the Insane Clown Posse song) and trying to coerce someone into doing what you want, but both songs send strong (and in my opinion) terrible messages to people and the song, “Baby Its Cold Outside” is heard by far more people, even if only at Christmas time, than any song by the Clown people, especially since the Clowns aren't played in most public places.

I also think that it is crap that, at least in “the Valley”, some people are trying to link a horrific murder to the “Imma Kill U” song and yet I’ve never heard one person, ever, link ruining a woman’s reputation (“My sister will be suspicious”…”My brother will be there at the door…”) if she stays to long at a guys house, or worse yet, is sexually assaulted, to this “cheerful” Christmas song.

Can anyone explain to me why that is? Why is it ok to gloss over the coercion simply because one hears, and maybe even agrees with the fact that it is cold outside? Can anyone offer me a plausible alternative on how to interpret this song? Because I can’t think of any other way to view it or excuse it and I can’t seem to not be pissed off each year when I hear this song.

The older my five nephews get, the more I wonder about the impact of songs like this, especially songs that are presented as cheerful, holiday tradition songs, versus songs that are clearly ok to vilify, even if we are condemning them without fully listening to the lyrics. And I wonder what kind of impact, if even a subtle one, it will have on them as they begin to explore sexual relationships and form opinions of their own.